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You may be toxic and not know it: 6 signs


There are times when it’s difficult to admit that you can be unintentionally toxic towards people and yourself. And while we’re trying to figure that out, we need to remind ourselves that being unintentionally toxic does not mean that you are a toxic person overall. After all, we all make mistakes. And we should always make it a point to not be too hard on ourselves and give ourselves some room for improvement.

It’s easy to find faults in others but there are times when it’s hard to see ours. This might be because we’re letting our pride cloud our judgment and we don’t like admitting our own share of the problem.

Regularly checking on yourself and the question ‘am I toxic?’ puts you on the right path.

Here are 6 telltale signs you might be unintentionally toxic:

1. You make a lot of promises you can’t keep

You may be the type of person who says yes all the time and this might be because you tend to overplease people. You feel the need to say yes all the time because you don’t want to make them feel bad but here’s the thing, not keeping your promises will also make them feel bad.

If you make it a habit to say yes when you want to say no, it shows how few your boundaries are, and tendencies of not being able to comply with your promises especially when they’ve been piled up, are inevitable.

There are a few consequences of this habit, like losing the trust of the people you love. To overcome this, you need to learn how to say no and only make promises when you know very well you can keep them. The people around you will be able to understand hearing a no from you.

2. You use pity to get what you want

There are desperate times when we unintentionally make people help us out of pity. But if you ever find yourself repeating the same actions, you may come off as unintentionally manipulative to some people. This might root from you not being able to ask for help directly maybe because you’re shy or you just don’t want to say you need help out loud.

To overcome this, you have to practice communicating what it is that you need and ask people for help if you need it. Be straightforward, there’s nothing wrong with asking people for help, but you also need to realize that you might hear no, for an answer.

3. Being too defensive

This is something that a lot of us may be able to relate especially when we’re confronted with our faults, perhaps because of shame or that we don’t like admitting our fair share of faults so we find ourselves lashing out on people for calling us out and we make other people responsible for our actions by victimizing ourselves.

There are multiple sides to the situation but it’s also important for us to accept criticisms constructively, as this also allows us to see other people’s perspectives and in turn, it helps us grow. Being able to do this, you are able to create healthy conversations with the people around you and this may also strengthen your bond.

4. Being overly sensitive

Do you find yourself reacting to every little thing? Have you ever been told you’re overly sensitive? While it’s true that people should be careful with their actions or what they say, we also have to be responsible for our reactions.

There are times we misinterpret things because we jump to conclusions even if we have not clarified things with other people. And this might root in childhood especially when you’ve been criticized or ridiculed for small things causing you to be insecure.

It’s good to be self-aware so we’re able to see things more clearly and discern whether what people say is about you is true or not. And try to not indulge in being too defensive about the things that people say to you, and you can do that by practicing self-care and having a healthy mindset so you’re not as affected by what other people say about you.

5. Being overly pessimistic

Do you tend to always predict that something bad will happen? or perhaps distrust people’s intentions too much? chances are, you might be overly pessimistic.

While our reaction to certain things may be a cause of trauma, being overly pessimistic about things might drain the people around you causing them to not be around you as much because it gives them a bad vibe. Being overly pessimistic does not only affect you but other people as well. Being too negative causes stress, anxiety, and depression.

And while it’s also not good to have false positivity, it doesn’t hurt to see things with hope and have a healthy positive outlook in life. Like negative energy, positive energy is just as infectious. It’s good to let loose and enjoy life. Just remember that there are better ways to approach things than being pessimistic.

6. Relying on other people for validation

While it’s nice to get compliments from other people sometimes, it’s also important that we’re able to validate the things they’re complimenting us ourselves. When we get too caught up with other people’s opinions of us, we tend to only seek validation from them because we can’t see our worth ourselves.

While this may not be toxic to other people, it’s toxic to ourselves, because then we’re living a life seeking other people’s approval. It’s important that we take the time to know ourselves, our strengths and weakness so we won’t have to rely on other people’s opinions just to feel good about ourselves, and one way to do that is by taking a step back and examining why we feel the need to rely on other people’s opinions and remind ourselves that our own opinion matter too.

It’s always important to check on ourselves so we may be healthy individuals in society. Self-awareness is the first step to solving your issues and overcoming them is a sign of growth. JMS/Expat Media

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